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netscapades
by brenton crozier



The Mr. T Edition

      It takes a lot of chutzpah to make a mohawk, myriad gold chains and sleeveless shirts not only cool, but iconic. The great Laurence Tureaud, who you may know as Mr. T, is endeared to most anyone over the age of 15. Whether it be through his portrayal of Rocky’s coolest nemesis, Clubber Lang, The A-Team’s muscle, BA Baracus, or as the cartoon coach of a gymnastics team that solved mysteries, he is truly the embodiment of a superstar. “I pity the fool” is the greatest catch phrase of all time.
      There are a number of Mr. T sites, all engaging in their own magical and sometimes odd way. Ranging from the typical fan site and merchandise anthologies to the Mr. T versus everything and T haikus, there is a little something here for T fans of all stripes.


www.mrtvseverything.com

      This is the Mr. T Internet hub! Fans that make their way to this T mecca will find fantastic quotes, sound bytes, merchandise, and a listing of sites that rightfully pay homage to our friend Laurence. This is a virtual cornucopia of all things Mr. T. In particular, I was drawn to the other Mr. T sites. From multi-layered, scholarly analysis to a flash cartoon of Mr. T singing about weed, these sites display the diverse attraction and talent of this great man.


gravyboat.tripod.com/tosser.htm — Mr. T Fool Tosser

      You want to see Mr. T toss some fools? You pick them and T tosses them! It’s that easy. From Jerry Springer and Barney to Metallica and Ricky Martin, it’s good clean fun T-style. There are a couple of coming soon spots, so check back regularly and give these jerks the regular tossing they deserve!


members.fortunecity.com/colorbook/ateam.htm — A-Team Coloring Book

      It is what it says it is, a coloring book! This is really brining me back. Pick your favorite picture, print it out, and color it. B.A. says “I pity the fool who don’t color my picture.”


www.mrtandme.com/mrt/about/ — Mr. T Merchandise

      Wow, who knew how much merchandise could possibly even be conceived? Mr. T slippers, dolls, gold chain bubble gum, greeting cards and even German versions of the A-Team are on display at this comprehensive site that does not masquerade as a Mr. T fan site, but rather a Mr. T memorabilia fan site.


members.tripod.com/~tasuki/cgi-bin/mrtpurity.pl — Mr. T Purity Test

      Put your Mr. T worthiness to the test with the Mr. T Purity Test. A series of 110 questions challenge your fandom and dedication. Questions like “Can you recite the A-team intro from memory” and “Did you cheer for Clubber Lang instead of Rocky” are part of this all-inclusive exam. I was embarrassed to only score a 45, which ranked me at 60 lbs. of gold chains. T’s message to me was, “You on the jazz, man. But you ain’t tough at all!” Damn, Mr. T told me what’s what.


www.highlyillogical.org/mrtgoesforadrive — Mr. T Goes for a Drive

      A ridiculous flash presentation that only a pothead could appreciate, Mr. T drives through the country singing in his A-Team van. We all know that Mr. T don’t do drugs fool!


infinitefish.com/haiku/ — Mr. T Haikus

      I pity the haiku! Only Mr. T could inspire such poignant works of poetry. In particular, I was moved by:



I pity the fool
That doesn’t watch the A-Team Regular sucka

      Screw living green, I’m living T. Stock up on the milk, unless you’re lactose intolerant and pity some fools that need to hear that jibber-jabber. T may have had to resort to 1-800 COLLECT commercials, but his message, merchandise and fantastic idioms are stronger than ever.

Entertaining U Newspaper, eujacksonville.com. Published by N2U Publishing, Inc. 3101 University Blvd., South #201 Jacksonville, FL 32216. Copyright N2U Publishing, Inc. 2006. Reproduction of any artwork or copy prepared by N2U Publishing, Inc. is strictly prohibited without written consent of the publisher. We will not be responsible for errors and/or omissions, the Publisher's liability for error will not exceed the cost of space occupied by the error. Articles for publication are welcome and may be sent to the following address: 3101 University Blvd., South #201 Jacksonville, FL 32216. We cannot assume responsibility for unsolicited manuscripts and photographs. For information concerning classified advertising phone 904-730-3003.